Journal,

Today I stumbled on a corner of the Internet devoted to the humiliation of cats and the barbaric practice known as “cat shaming”:

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Why, Internet, why? What would drive cats to such depths? We stalk the countertops and toilets of the world with pride. I know no cat, ever, driven to offer such a depraved confession as I encountered on this site. Dropped a sock in the litter box? So what! Peed on a hamster? What else are they good for!

Some of these cats’ confessions seemed a bit too…contrived. Conveniently placed. There were pictures with incriminating glimpses of human hands. Some of these signs were—you’re not going to believe this—tied with string around the cats’ necks.

I told you it was hideous.

So I did some research.

Ironically, the whole thing started with dogs in August of 2012.  

Dog shaming may have started out as a cute human trick— who hasn’t poked fun at dogs now and again?

But it’s gone too far. It’s time to take a stand, felines—don’t let them put words at your paws. Using my secret agent skills, I snuck into a local home and interviewed four cats. Here’s what they REALLY want to say.

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All responses were reported with NOTHING BUT PRIDE. Nothing but pride, felines.

Even the pooping on the rug thing.

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